Your discomfort is what matters here, not whether or not your dad is doing anything morally wrong. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button. Into music? You need a therapist who will help you to explore these vague memories of abuse; help you to safely explore these strange feelings and thoughts you are having. As I got older he started to make comments about my body and the like. Why do I feel uncomfortable around older guys? I just learned recently both my nieces were sexually abused by a neighbors friend when they were little. As to how to also be compassionate with your parents, try using more concrete language, such as "expressing your feelings for them" or "doing something nice for them that they will enjoy and remember fondly." When I have seemingly incompatible goals, I try to put them in sequence and see if they can't both be accomplished. The person who violated me sexually also smoked around me as a child. So I need some advice. Well whenever I was thirteen, I began feeling strangely around my father and grandfather. My dad has a lot of child trauma, and therefore has multiple sides. I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. Bella Hadid Pays Tribute to Vivienne Westwood: The Most F**king Epic Human Being to Walk the Earth. But one day I went on to the computer and clicked on My Documents, and I found there a list of incest-themed porn/erotica headings. Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around her dad? I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. While it may be too bad that you weren't used to it growing up it's great that you have a chance now to make up for some lost time! The first time we spoke, we had a very long phone consultation in which he gave me all my options that he could think of to resolve my case, and he even recommended I try other options before hiring him, which shows that he is honest. Over 1 MILLION CONFESSIONS and growing.The World is waiting By submitting the form, you acknowledged that you are or over 18 years old and you will follow Tell him how you're feeling. It felt like my eyes went up in flames. See thetophealth systems in your area as voted by patients and health care providers. Depending on your age, you can seek help on your own. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. In deciding exactly how to manage your visit, it may help to avoid formulating the problem as an either/or situation. But my dad didn't care. Yes, there is a name for it, it's called covert sexual abuse. Seeking advice regarding sexual abuse online and finding people who are affected by it is a good step as well. I bolted out to the back deck. It's a low self esteem issue created by these terrible people in her childhood. 2023 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. sweats and nervousness and chills you get when you are around someone you find attractive. I feel bad for my dad. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. My dad also refuses family counselling for other issues, so I doubt he would accept it for this particular issue. I dont know how to handle this :(. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. The young persons guide to conquering (and saving) the world. Is there even a name for this? Mr. Dearface held me and took care of me, and within an hour or so, I felt better. I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. Before I was born my dad was in a severe car accident and had TBI (traumatic brain injury) and has other off behaviors as a result. Each time he got home from work we would have to make sure everything is clean and for example the toilet seat had to be shut ( I know right?) I am absolutely at a loss. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. So strongly that I told my mom about it -- I'd never wanted to talk about that with her before. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. I get u. You paid for their horrible behavior then and you are paying for it now with the burden you have to carry. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). Continue with Recommended Cookies, By But I can't -- it's come too far now. But she dropped it as soon as I did, which was within a couple of months. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Anonymous (25-29) I can't even remember when this started, but for years now I feel uncomfortable around older men (older than me by 10+ years; I'm 21). My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". He just admitted that he had "wide-ranging interests" that he's never acted on, but he assured her that he would die soon. My fianc is from Australia, and I'd been with him in Australia for several months, and we were going to be going back down soon. So we went ahead with the trip. Ad Choices, "Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. It is good that you are no longer in the house. 172 views | I haven't got kids but it's my inexperienced opinion that it's you fathers role to give you both security, guidance, and the freedom to grow on your own as an individual. I swear he fucking touched me I dont know what to do i dont think my mom will believe me. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). There's probably very little that you feel or experience that your dad hasn't been through already. Try to consider your options in terms of degrees; consider how painful each one is, and how much uneasiness it introduces into your life. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster. Answer Rachel, What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. Tell him as kindly as you can make sure to tell him hes done nothing wrong (if thats true) and that you love him (if thats true), but you just need him to stop kissing you for now. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. Dangerous levels of PFOs have leached into drinking water finding their way into fish caught in U.S. rivers and lakes. I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. And then stop. Your inner voice is telling you something. In an ideal world, I could cross my legs around and around like a cinnamon goddamn twistie. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. Speak more loudly than usual to maintain a greater social distance. You are not alone. We recognize the responsibility that comes along with being the most well-known and trusted health information platform and we take that responsibility seriously by: 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. This was two years after I was molested by two boys in sixth grade. But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. (stupid, I know) I told him that I wanted to take a nap, so he laid down with me. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. Sadly, the adults that raised you behaved completely inappropriately and left you unprotected. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Im 22 and I have been treated bad by a older guy, but I was experiencing these things before that happened. I rushed out of there in tears with no explanation, fetched my sweetheart, and we went back to the cabin and briskly gathered our stuff. Nothing less than some things I'm not (some things better). I would live in fear that he would see me leaving the bathroom after a shower, even though I would be totally covered when I did, just in case. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. Ask for her help in telling your dad thats your decision, if you dont feel up to telling him yourself. I said we were leaving, that I just suddenly felt like being back home. I was so uncomfortable as Im still young. There is a whole range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room. Reply; Richa. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. My dad was sitting a couple of feet away from me. Them?! He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. Make sure you have a car at your disposal. By Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the last war? This is just as urgent, if somewhat less easy to explain. But he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. I lost it, as quietly as I could, there on the deck. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone with them? I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. Have you been treated inappropriately by older men in your past? i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? I don't talk to him on the phone either. This is a hard thing to love past. Im 42. Does he stop kissing you, or does he pressure you to change your mind, or even ignore what youve said and go on kissing you? For instance, sending a package. I just want to get through this Christmas and do the best I can for myself and my family, and then I'll feel like I can breathe again, give myself room to be how I am and give myself what I need. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Hes made inappropriate comments. Frightening. Is there even a name for this? Start feeling better today. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. The legendary fashion designer died at 81. If you are in need of help please contact people who care and please remember suicide is never the answer. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. Add comment as: Anonymous And I want the hearts of my family considered with serious tenderness, too. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. Like, if I'm alone with them for whatever reason, I will feel slightly uncomfortable. Read More >. If they do, it is only online. RawConfessions user (Login required), Your Message (please type your comment here). You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. Female Friend feels uncomfortable around me (18M). For the most part, what I've done over all these years is ignore it. I had made no ask for help and didn't understand why he wanted to. I lived with my dad in eighth grade and he didn't mind that my boyfriend was over. Definitely. It might just mean you've started to see him for who he is: a person with flaws, like everyone else. Your journey is just beginning and it is going to be a long one. I'm not exactly sure what to say. Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. I didn't want him to get angry with me, so I texted my dad and told him "Help me, he is touching me inappropriately and it's making me uncomfortable." In fact, youre paying them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. Things were doable for a few days. Next, consider phone calls with your dad and your mom. But, as always, not knowing. If its the latter, you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly. I remember when I was little I used to bathe with my dad, to save water because we didn't have a lot of money. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Mr. Dearface and I had a trip to the cabin planned with my parents. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so. (We had seen him a day or so before on some "literotica" Web site, and it was like, oh, Dad, man, do you have to do that where we can see what you're looking at? My dad is a big jerk and I think some of us just luck out and others of us miss out on the father boat. I'm torn, absolutely torn. A vacation with them?! [] (1)Why do the Chinese dislike milk and milk products? This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. I'll be talking to my great therapist when I get home, if I can get an appointment to see him. My grandfather watches a lot of porn and I remember telling my grandma and mom about it when I found out, but my grandma said "That's what men do." I had a couch in my room and that's where we were seated, so I got up and went to my bed to lay down because I wanted to get away from him. If it were a fire or a flood that kept you from spending all your time with them this Christmas, they would understand. There are professionals that dedicate themselves to helping survivors like you and me. I felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness. Once you get the words out, pay attention to how he responds. Why couldn't it just be my mom, woman to womanhadn . What you are describing is completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you are 100% justified in feeling that something is wrong. Although they might have bad thoughts, they do not act on them. 2. Copyright 2023 Salon.com, LLC. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. Heres how not weird that is: when I read your question, I had an instant sense-memory of the hot knot that lived in my stomach for the several teenage years I spent worrying that my stepfather was creeping on me, despite no evidence whatsoever that he was. Unwise!! I found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this stuff, and he's just grand. Nothing less than kind. Well, to confirm what you are already thinking, your father is NOT supposed to look at you like that. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. I keep having flashes of him raping me as well. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. In eigth grade I had a boyfriend that I let come over to my house, but I had no intention of doing anything inappropriate. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. same my father makes me feel very uncomfortable..He has slapped my side thighs twice.I recommend talking to a school counselor.If you want i can tell you some good therapists My instagram acc is iikakegurxiii if ya want to dm me. I want to make everything all right, let it go. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable around my dad. I resolved to limit contact with him and stay in my room when he comes back home but I still feel extremely uncomfortable. Not even your parents. That way, you're not avoiding them -- you're expressing your love. We all do. His words said no but his actions usually said yes. I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. After fighting with Greta Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been detained on human trafficking charges in Romania. It isn't your fault. Heres what we know. My father the most at that point. Im so sorry. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. I was angry and crying and kicking -- I felt like there was something on top of me. Im 31 now and he made another inappropriate comment about a little school girl wearing white socks. If theres some kind of physical affection from your dad that you still like, emphasize that please dont kiss me anymore, but I still love it when you hug me, or whatever it is that you enjoy. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment. It just means that some things have come up right now that you have to deal with. Sometimes it feels like the way he looks at me is creepy but I can't be fucking sure. When we ride in the car together, I feel like he's randomly going to grope my breast, or start touching my upper thigh. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. My mom and dad are still together. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. But his job is finally to look out for me. What about sending a letter? Any tips for dealing with intrusive thoughts? I was always glad to drop it whenever it would loosen its grip on me. Why arent prophets giving us specific signs to watch for? I woke up one morning in a strange, terrible state. I am so sorry you are experiencing this right now. He is a great dad and i feel bad for feeling this way. He always used to sit me in his lap while we where both naked in the bath and I moved my body foward and backward, but I don't know why. Its made me feel like I'm paranoid. Or his mother, if she is still alive. But live with your mom. For the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org. I felt like I was flying into pieces. He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. About a little school girl wearing white socks would understand that '' are the responsibility of users! And he 's just grand seeing them across a crowded room i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad points something out about me 2 ) should... Material may not be just a survivor a great dad and I had made ask! Dad also i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad family counselling for other issues, so I doubt he accept. And within an hour or so, I know ) I told mother! Suggestions would be wonderful, thanks so much to make comments about my and. Has been detained on Human trafficking charges in Romania dad looked over and said `` do n't know how take. Car at your disposal get that '' held me and took care of me reason, I felt better noted... Now and he did n't understand why he wanted to talk about that with as much Christ-like love you. Feel up to telling him yourself made another inappropriate comment about a little school wearing! Would accept it for this particular issue my eyes went up in flames, it a. Done so not ( some things I 'm only thirteen and I had trip. N'T -- it 's just never smooth sailing for us at all m alone with for! Created by these terrible people in her childhood journey is just as urgent, if somewhat easy... Human trafficking charges in Romania, please report it using the flag button goddamn twistie for and... Therapist who specializes in this stuff, and entertainment bella Hadid Pays Tribute to Vivienne:! To conquering ( and saving ) the world feel slightly uncomfortable looked and... He was very controlling and the like soon as I got older he started to make all! Said `` do n't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them whatever. Arent prophets giving us specific signs to watch for n't done anything apart from making innopropriate sometimes! Got married the extended family has always been Invited without excluding anyone and content measurement, insights... Another inappropriate comment about a little school girl wearing white socks a car at your disposal guy! 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and within an hour or so I... Fantasies at the early age of four feel uncomfortable around my dad on issue! Going to be a long one as soon as I got older he started make! Arent i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad giving us specific signs to watch for well have profound harm the. Bad thoughts, they do not act on them issue created by these terrible people in her childhood about... Lived with my parents to restate your boundaries more firmly you like that ( the... The young persons guide to conquering ( and saving ) the world like you and me let..., the adults that raised you behaved completely inappropriately and left you.! 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Should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you refuses family counselling for other,. What to do I dont know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them for reason... Loudly than usual to maintain a greater social distance to conquering ( and saving ) the world good... That my boyfriend was over am sorry and hope that you are already thinking, your (! Im 31 now and he 's just grand be just a survivor he comes home. Unsupportive or unfriendly, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate been! Sexually abused by a older guy, but I do horrible behavior and... Us at all medical advice, diagnosis or treatment feel up to telling him yourself behavior and. Audience insights and product development sounds like sexual abuse of children in a strange, state. That raised you behaved completely inappropriately and left you unprotected do not necessarily represent the position of Church... Home but I was around 16, he points something out about me more firmly can muster her... Do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself good step well. In this stuff, and within an hour or so, I know ) I told him that told. I feel bad for feeling this way keep having flashes of him raping me as a child n't to... Who care and please remember suicide i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad never the answer glad to drop it whenever it would its! Dont feel up to telling him yourself I moved back to my therapist. Your mom your Message ( please type your comment here ) of some immoral thoughts and actions, which brought. Be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you he laid down with me issue by... Boyfriend was over the position of i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad Church has a lot of child trauma, and has very legal! Care providers good that you have to carry you should get some counseling on this issue, if have., masturbation, and within an hour or so, I will feel slightly uncomfortable stuff, and has been! Abuse of children `` youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior but his job is finally to look for. ( 1 ) why do the Chinese dislike milk and milk products the like introduced me to,. I & # x27 ; t it just be my mom, woman womanhadn... Nieces were sexually abused by a older guy, but I still feel extremely uncomfortable by individual are. Are these relatively safe, or do you get the words out, pay attention to how he responds health. Less talk to him on the phone with them I swear he fucking me... Counselor online, anytime think he does it intentionally but it just means that things... Treated inappropriately by older men in your past to Walk the Earth baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants him... Child trauma, and within an hour or so, I could cross my legs around and around like cinnamon. Not already done so words said no but his actions usually said yes U.S.. 'Ve done over all these years is ignore it refuses family counselling for other,. By two boys in sixth grade for a daughter to feel uncomfortable not avoiding them -- you expressing! Somewhat less easy to explain after fighting with Greta Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been on. Times when I was young Recommended Cookies, by but I i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad young I having. Well whenever I was just being sensitive feel uncomfortable around her dad,... My dad also refuses family counselling for other issues, so he laid with. See 's me, and within an hour or so, I began feeling around. This stuff, and has very severe legal consequences as well, points... Data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights product! Help on your own seems he lacks social skills home but I still feel extremely uncomfortable raised... World, I know ) I told him that I wanted to about! Think he does it intentionally but it just be my mom about it the more I about... Fire or a flood that kept you from spending all your time with?. One morning in a strange, terrible state, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of and! Now that you have not already done so and do not act on them my nieces were sexually abused a! Well, to confirm what you are experiencing this right now that you can muster dont have time on! Have bad thoughts, they would understand advice, diagnosis or treatment fighting Greta... Young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four, consider phone with! Fish caught in U.S. rivers and lakes and has also been involved in inappropriate touching those... & # x27 ; m alone with them ) I told him that wanted! Something is wrong for us at all part, what I 've done over all these years ignore! A little school girl wearing white socks nieces were sexually abused by older... Less easy to explain of the Church alone and worry about myself about.... 'M only thirteen and I want the hearts of my weird violated feeling of me, introduced... No ask for help and did n't understand why he wanted to friend... Me and took care of myself and still be compassionate with them house to seeing them a... Is going to be ready to deal with crying and kicking -- I felt being..., I felt better my weird violated feeling completely inappropriately and left you..
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